Yvonne, Merchant, emotion, CUP
Alberta Cancer Board patient Yvonne Merchant's story
Finding Voice
Yvonne Merchant discovered that treating her cancer was more than just physical. She sought support for dealing with the emotions of living with incurable cancer.
Life-threatening disease was not part of Calgarian Yvonne Merchant’s retirement plan. But in 2002, four months after retiring as an insurance agent, Merchant, 62, was diagnosed with a rare and incurable CUP (or cancer with an unknown primary origin) glandular cancer, found in only two to five per cent of the population.
Merchant and her husband, Peter, were just finalizing plans to head to Australia to celebrate life as retirees when she experienced persistent coughing and swelling in her neck. Multiple visits to the doctor didn’t identify a cause, but upon her return from abroad, tests revealed a cancerous lymph node.
At first, chemotherapy kept the cancer in check, but after two years she experienced more swelling and developed cancer in her ovaries. A hysterectomy and more rounds of chemo were followed a year later with more swelling and yet more chemotherapy. Merchant tolerated the chemotherapy and physically fared well. The emotional effect of dealing with incurable cancer was another story.
“You hear the word ‘cancer’ but what it really means and how it will impact you, you just don’t know,” says Merchant. She was referred to Dr. Barry Bultz, director of the Department of Psychosocial Resources at the Tom Baker Cancer Centre, and a clinical psychologist whose pioneering work helps address the psychological, emotional, spiritual and quality-of-life issues after diagnosis.
She spent her entire first visit crying.
“One of the first things he said to me was ‘You don’t have control over the cancer, but you have control over how you live with it,’” says Merchant. “It’s so true. You really have no other choice when you have an incurable disease. It is not going to get better.”
Facing the reality of Merchant’s illness has been particularly hard for her three grown children. “It’s a lot of processing for them because they have never seen me ill,” she says. “The only time I was ever in the hospital is when I had each of them.”
Individual and family counselling with Bultz has helped them cope with the reality of cancer. And through group therapy, they’ve built a network of close friends. Yoga and meditation are now part of life as is an annual “de-stressing” vacation in Mexico.
“The biggest thing I’ve learned through this experience is to maintain hope,” says Merchant. She faces more chemo and drugs to control the pain, but is determined to live each day fully. Most people diagnosed with her type of cancer die within a year. She has lived four.
“Who knows why I am still here?” she says. “Yes, I’m going back into chemo, but I’m doing okay. If that is what I have to do to survive, then so be it.”
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